If you haven’t worked it out from the title, this is toilet related, if you’re not phased by a funny poop story then, please… continue.
Soo, Zach can’t have dairy because it gives him a sick tummy, but for some reason, on a Daddy and son trip to Berlin last year and unbeknownst to me at the time, my dear husband Michael thought it would be a good idea to let Zach have ice cream because ya know, that doesn’t have dairy in it at all.
Ollie was asleep, so I nipped upstairs while Zach was watching CBeebies and I thought he would be drifting off into dreamland anytime soon as he was due a nap. A few minutes later Zach came up to my office with no bottoms on and said to me that he had had an accident. No worries Zach, we’ll just clean it up, I thought.
‘I’m a bit pooey,’ he says. So he was, I could see that much, so I instructed him not to touch me and turned him around to carry him straight to the bath. Still, no worries I thought, it can't be that bad; famous last thoughts. That was when I noticed it on his hands too. ‘Zach, where did you have this accident?’
‘In the kitchen... the real kitchen.’
So he couldn’t even do it in a pretend kitchen.
I told him to wait in the bath for me, and I tentatively went to make my way downstairs. Before I’d even reached the top step I could see it on the stairs, so of course, I did what any normal person does and grabbed my phone to text the husband that there was literally poo all over the house, and ask what Zach had eaten. At that point, he knew he owed me big time. I was scared to venture further. I breathed deeply (oops, too deeply) and carried on bravely, carefully looking where I was treading.
The kitchen was a disaster zone, I will save you the gory details, but suffice to say, it was pretty much everywhere, because, bless him, he had tried to clean it up.
ONLY WITH A BLIMMIN' OVEN GLOVE!! No, not a pretend oven glove, a real one.
So of course, that went straight in the bin, along with the tea towel he had also used.
I washed the boy, got out the gloves and disinfectant, cleaned up the kitchen, washed the stairs and chucked his clothes in the wash. I got him settled down for nap time and thought we could draw a line under it all and forget this horrible blip in our potty training adventures....
...It wasn’t until later when we were pretending to wash daddy’s car with an old oven glove that I realised I hadn’t quite managed to throw out everything he’d used to clean up the mess!! Oops.
What’s the grossest thing that’s happened in your house?